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If the woman has never masturbated herself to orgasm, then not only will she struggle to reach orgasm, she'll struggle to teach her partner to take her there too.

Back in cave days, Ancient Greece and even the pre-feminist fifties, a woman’s orgasm was a purely incidental part of sex. Those were simple times to a man. But no longer.

Now she knows her rights. She’s read the Kama Sutra and Cosmo’s sealed sex supplement. She’s probably even seen Paris Hilton’s skin flick on the Net. The results: she wants – no, expects the biggest orgasm possible. Or seven, if you can manage it.

And you might as well admit it: you get off on her getting off. Knowing that you’re responsible for that quivering, shivering expulsion of sensation is the second best thing about sex. It’s a ride in a sports car. It’s a hole in one.

So what happens if she just can’t climax? What if you’ve exhausted your box of erotic tricks and she’s still lying there, passionless and poker faced? Well, once in a while it’s totally understandable. Once a week it’s probably forgivable. But if she comes less often than you have your car washed (and we know that is hardly ever), you’ve got problems.

When sex works, it takes up about 20% of a relationship. But when it doesn’t, it takes up about 90%. This is because bad sex seldom stays in the bedroom. If she can’t have an orgasm, he’ll probably start to feel that he’s not a good lover. Meanwhile, she’s thinking something’s wrong with her. At first both will try harder, which only creates more pressure and makes the problem worse. Then their egos become bruised and they start to withdraw from each other.

The result: drought. A dry and destructive avoidance, not only of sex, but of any intimacy that may lead to dreaded carnal carnage.

There is some reassuring news in all of this: the lack of female orgasm is more common than you think. And there are ways to coax it out of hiding. Research shows that about 30% of women globally live with pre-orgasmia, which means they’ve never experienced an orgasm. That means one in three women out there don’t know what they’re missing.

Then another 30% of women are situationally pre-orgasmic, meaning they only have orgasms in certain situations, for example, when masturbating or when they feel safe and happy with their partner. Lastly about 30% of women have orgasms some of the time.

Who knew ? Whether they’re faking it or just lying back and taking it, a disturbing number of women are flatlining after foreplay. And though there may be safety in numbers, this fact still sucks. The big question is: who is to blame?

Poor technique by men is a major inhibiting factor. Especially men who think they know what to do, who believe orgasms happen with pounding penetration only, who don’t listen to their women and who don’t spend enough time arousing her in ways that she uniquely appreciates. Plus, if he puts her under enormous pressure to orgasm, this can inhibit her too. This can’t be his fault entirely. If the woman has never masturbated herself to orgasm, then not only will she struggle to climax, she’ll struggle to teach her partner to take her there too. She may also be unable to let go and surrender to orgasm due to a negative body image, low sexual confidence, or lack of trust in the relationship. Or she could fear pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Maybe she’s on medication or anti-depressants, that inhibit orgasm.

Religious upbringing, family attitudes and sexual experiences all play a role. If you grow up with the idea that genitals are dirty and sex is sinful, or purely for your husband’s pleasure, it impacts on your ability to have an orgasm. One of the most powerful preventative beliefs is that good girls don’t do that.

Okay, so coming is more complicated that we thought. But what’s a guy to do when his ego’s smarting and his manhood’s slowly withering in the desert of his bed? Well, he adjusts his attitude.

Don’t blame her and don’t blame yourself. And however tempting it is to prove your sexual dexterity, don’t tell her that you could give your last lover five orgasms in five minutes. The idea is to make her feel better about herself, not you.

Talk

You may have to help her help you. This means talking about the sex you have. Try to ask the right questions at the right time. During intimate moments, encourage her to guide you around her body.

Seek out her Buttons

Every woman has a unique set of buttons that will lead to her undoing. Study her and don’t rely on tried and tested tricks you learnt in another woman’s bed. Watch her carefully while you making love. See how her facial expression changes. Watch the color deepen on her face, body and vulva. Her breathing will become shallower and she may even scream. Allow her to build to this pitch, and let her see you’re noticing her excitement. Talk to her, but first discover what kind of talk she enjoys, or if she needs silence.

Stop Trying so Hard

Pressure is the biggest passion killer, so if she’s struggling to climax a goal oriented mind set will only make things worse. If the aim is to achieve orgasm every time, frustration and insecurity mount. Just let your bodies relax and enjoy the moment and take orgasm out of the equation. Over time, this attitude together with good communication, will encourage her body to respond differently and allow orgasm to happen. Stop going for goals and just play with her. Find out what makes her tick and you can explode her.


By Sandra Prior

A new study found that trained sexologists could infer a woman's history of vaginal orgasm by observing the way she walks. The study is published in the September 2008 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the official journal of the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health.

Led by Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland in collaboration with colleagues in Belgium, the study involved 16 female Belgian university students. Subjects completed a questionnaire on their sexual behaviour and were then videotaped from a distance while walking in a public place. The videotapes were rated by two professors of sexology and two research assistants trained in the functional-sexological approach to sexology, who were not aware of the women's orgasmic history.

The results showed that the appropriately trained sexologists were able to correctly infer vaginal orgasm through watching the way the women walked over 80 percent of the time. Further analysis revealed that the sum of stride length and vertebral rotation was greater for the vaginally orgasmic women. "This could reflect the free, unblocked energetic flow from the legs through the pelvis to the spine," the authors note.

There are several plausible explanations for the results shown by this study. One possibility is that a woman's anatomical features may predispose her to greater or lesser tendency to experience vaginal orgasm. According to Brody, "Blocked pelvic muscles, which might be associated with psychosexual impairments, could both impair vaginal orgasmic response and gait." In addition, vaginally orgasmic women may feel more confident about their sexuality, which might be reflected in their gait. "Such confidence might also be related to the relationship(s) that a woman has had, given the finding that specifically penile-vaginal orgasm is associated with indices of better relationship quality," the authors state. Research has linked vaginal orgasm to better mental health.

The study provides some support for assumptions of a link between muscle blocks and sexual function, according to the authors. They conclude that it may lend credibility to the idea of incorporating training in movement, breathing and muscle patterns into the treatment of sexual dysfunction.

"Women with orgasmic dysfunction should be treated in a multi-disciplinary manner" says Irwin Goldstein, Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine." Although small, this study highlights the potential for multiple therapies such as expressive arts therapy incorporating movement and physical therapy focusing on the pelvic floor."

The above information thankfully comes from the scientislive.com at the following link.

There’s more than one kind of orgasm. Here are some mind blowing moves to choose from. Orgasms: what’s not to like ? They feel great, they relieve tension and, ever since your first one, you’ve certainly been perfecting the art. But have you wondered just how varied the range can be ? Just as Eskimos have hundreds of words for ‘snow’, a girl can have many, many types of orgasm and like snowflakes, no two orgasms are the same but there are categories they fall into. Look at the following for inspiration and have fun trying them out.

The Multiple Orgasm

There are actually two strains of this type of climax multiple and multi and which one you have depends on how you react after you’ve come. Like men, after orgasm some women experience a period of time when they’re too sensitive to have sex again; they have to back away from pleasure before starting once more.

If you’re hypersensitive after climaxing, it means you can have multiple orgasms. Give yourself a grace period before starting stimulation again. Get your man to stay inside you after you come, then count 5 or 10 of your vaginal contractions before you begin whatever brings you to orgasm again. Experiment with the amount of recovery time you need, to see if you can catch a wave of pleasure back up to the top.

For many other women, orgasm is more like a roller coaster they get to the top and then have smaller hills and valleys. These women are having multi-orgasms. Sounds like you ? Then don’t back away when you feel post passion pleasure turn an aftershock into another orgasm by keeping the stimulation going, even when you’re sure you are done.

The Elusive Orgasm

It’s the most frustrating experience in the world; an orgasm that taunts you with its pleasurable properties but never quite makes its intentions clear. A lot of it is fear of completely letting go. Orgasm is the most intimate, emotional act. It’s completely involuntary. You can’t will it to happen. But because your release has eluded you, your muscles are more tense and the release of that tension is all the more satisfying.

Sink into the sensation and pay attention to your body, not your performance. Trying the old tantric trick of looking into your partner’s eyes will bring you back into the present. Most of all, don’t put pressure on yourself. Getting into bed with the single goal of bagging an orgasm won’t get you off. Enjoy the journey and the destination may find you after all.

The Soul Orgasm

There’s sex and climax and then there’s the sky splitting experience that takes your orgasm into the spiritual realm. This orgasm really makes you feel like you’re becoming one with your man. Let go of cynicism and open yourself up to the idea that sex is more than just a bodily experience. Make sure there’s lots of eye contact. Be well versed in his ultimate turn-on and his thrill will make your pleasure even deeper.

The Solo G – spot Orgasm

You’ve heard of the G-spot orgasm, where your guy crooks his finger inside your vagina in a come-hither motion, stimulating a wrinkly spot (the periurethral sponge) at the front of the vaginal canal. But if you haven’t managed to have a G-spot orgasm, practicing on your own might make you feel less self-conscious. A regular orgasm involves vaginal muscle contractions and waves feel good sensations. A G-spot orgasm is harder, more intense and passes quicker. It also calls for a firmer assault on the area.

The T – zone Orgasm

Once you’ve found the G-spot, you can head further up your vaginal wall, towards your belly button, and begin searching for the T-zone. The Trigone zone is a nerve rich area that controls the bladder and creates pleasure. You feel it all over. A T-zone orgasm is a powerful wave of energy that takes up a lot more of your body than a regular one. It can last a lot longer too.

How do you approach the T-zone ?

A toy helps because you do have to go deep. A long vibrator with a wide, throbby end, inserted deeply, then tipped towards the belly button, will do the trick. Alternatively, lie on your tummy with your man inside you, entering from behind experiment until he’s pushing against the same spot. Once the pleasure begins, your inner physiognomy may change; your uterus contracts, pulling the T-spot up and away from where it was; some women have to chase it, so be intrepid.


By Sandra Prior

As a woman, I can definitely speak to the fact that many women enjoy a good orgasm, but a better orgasm can create a mind-blowing, body-shaking, toe curling moment. The fact is every woman is acutely aware of every flaw on her body and as her partner, it is your duty to boost her self-confidence or the ideas I’m about to detail will fizzle instead of sizzle.

Oral sex or tongue action is a great way to a better orgasm for women since the clitoris is the nerve center of her vagina. Next to intercourse, oral sex is just as erotic and rewarding and often leads to a better orgasm.

Even better, setting the right atmosphere will do wonders in leaving her weak with anticipation. Seduce her with words before she leaves for work send her off on an orgasmic high. Tell her in graphic details how your tongue will begin a long, slow, wet path up her thighs to her vagina.

Then drop to your knees, slowly kissing the inside of one thigh giving her a sample of what’s to come. If she doesn’t have a mini orgasm then and there don’t worry because you’ve left her with a lasting impression to keep her body humming all day long.

What a delicious way to set the tone for a better orgasm. As she spends her day in breathless anticipation here are a few secrets ideas to continue building the sexual tension.

First, set a warm bubble bath filled with rose-petals and place scented candles appropriately for mood lighting. Next, give her hot-smoldering looks as you run your hands over her body make her feel sexy. And, the last tip to set the stage for a better orgasm is to feed her sweet tasting fruits such as chocolate covered strawberries then suck the juices from her fingers one-by-one.

All of this foreplay will have her body wound tighter than a guitar string. Now you can begin strumming her body leading her towards a better orgasm. The cues that she is extremely turned on are usually erect nipples begging to be sucked, or rapid breathing indicating the orgasmic tension gripping her body.

Don’t deny her any longer she’s waited long enough for a better orgasm. Reach down between her legs and caress her vagina, stay clear of her clitoris since the slightest touch will send her over the edge. Slide her legs over your shoulders and settle your body between her thighs. Fulfill your earlier promise by nibbling the insides of her thighs leaving a wet path as you head towards your goal. Hold onto her hips as your tongue reaches the prize her clitoris. Be prepared for an instantaneous surging of her body as she is consumed by a hot, powerful orgasm.

As the clitoris can be extremely sensitive after a good no, make that a better orgasm stop the stimulation as her orgasm slows. Pull her body against yours’ in a spooning position. As she settles into a delicious orgasmic haze, slowly caress her to create a sense of security and well-being. There you have it, a great technique for giving her an even better orgasm. And, remember anything worth doing right often takes a lot of practice. So put your best effort or should I say tongue action into it!

By E.J. Davis